Friday, October 8, 2010

Rules of the Rural

Living in rural (if you can call it rural) Indiana, I've noticed that there are a few unspoken rules that we country-folk live by.  One of these rules applies to waving.  It is common knowledge that one must wave to a man on a tractor.  No matter who he is or what he is doing, you have to wave.

The same applies to you as well.  No matter who you are or what you're doing, you have to wave.  You could be out having a grand stroll in the sun when a tractor putt-putts by.  YOU MUST WAVE!!!  You could be driving to the local university to pick up a couple friends to go to the mall when a tractor threatens to run you over.  YOU MUST WAVE!!!  You could be doing some light gardening outside when a tractor drives by.  And then drives by again...and possibly a third or fourth time.  YOU MUST WAVE!!!

And no matter what the tractor man has to wave back to you.  Sometimes, though, the tractor man will initiate the wave.  That is okay as long as you wave back.  I've never wanted to know what would happen if I didn't wave back to a man on a tractor.  Karma would most likely get the best of me and I don't even believe in Karma!  I'm pretty sure this is what would happen to me if I didn't wave back to a man on a tractor...*
*Please note that Michelleobama Rex shoots lasers out of her eyes and farts nuclear explosions

Now sometimes you will find yourself waving or being waved at by someone who is not on a tractor.  They, just like you, are a regular civilian.  And just as there are rules for waving in the country.  There are rules for waving within waving.  These rules are called sub-rules and they apply to waving to a civilian.  They are as follows:

RULE #1: No more than a straight face or slight smile is needed with the wave.
If you have any other facial expression, people might think you have an agenda of some sort and start spreading nasty rumors about you...

RULE #2: Do not shake your hand when waving.  A simple lift of the arm will suffice.
More than one shake of the hand or arm is frowned upon by country-folk.  They will think lesser of you if you do so...

RULE #3: Verbal communication is not needed.  That is coupled with a nod.
It is imperative that people know the difference between a nod and a wave.  Nods can only be used in a walking setting whereas waves can be used with any sort of transportation.  A nod with verbal communication is not an introduction to conversation.  A wave is. When someone waves and speaks to you at the same time, they usually want to keep talking.  To avoid awkward situations with people you don't know, don't talk while waving.

Okay, well I suppose that would be all.  And please note that all of these drawings are fictitious.  None of them have ever happened to me or anyone I know.  I have not, nor will I ever garden naked and people usually don't go around accusing me of such vulgar and compromising actions...The end.

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