FYI: I Don't Do Drugs

This is to you, Jerry Paris! I know you're not an internet junkie, so you won't ever see this, but that is not the point. I don't do drugs. I have never done drugs. I will never do drugs. Just because I draw pictures of zombies and tape them to your computer doesn't mean that I'm on drugs. Yes, I am quite loud and obnoxious at times. And I do have a very disturbing mind. And I laugh a lot. But those are not signs of drug use. You should know this! You did do drugs! I think you're just a jerk face. And a creepy, dirty, old man.


Now that that is out of my system, I would like to tell you all that I am feeling much better. I would have to thank one of my old obsessions, Arsenie Todiras, for that (If you don't know who he is you can google him. He was one of the singers for O-ZONE...and if you don't know who they are this will explain everyting). I just discovered he has a whole bunch of new songs. It pretty much made my day. I would also have to say that I'm in a better mood because I've been working. The past couple months I've been super stressed because I had no source of income and I had a quite a few things to purchase for my house in the fall. Living is expensive! One of the things I appreciate that my parents did was that they paid for everything growing up. I don't appreciate how they never prepared me for paying for things on my own. I don't like paying for my own gas. I don't like to go anywhere because of it. And the times I've bought groceries...goodness! You barely get anything and it's almost $100! Why?! Anyways, this weekend I'm probably going to do some painting. Not like...artistic, Bob Ross painting. More like...my bookshelf and desk are unfinished and they need a splash of color. I haven't decided what color(s) to paint them, though. I was planning on going to Wal*Marx and just picking up some random color whether it matches anything I have or not.


On another note, I am sorry that I have turned this blog into a rant/journal of my life. I was planning on it to primarily be for drawings/comics, but I just don't know what to draw. I keep forgetting to scan in that drawing that Cameron saw. I've shown quite a few people (and by that I mean my family, Cameron, and Brett) and of course the first thing my dad says is, "Oh! That would look neat going across the top of a dresser!" Thanks, Dad, for turning EVERYTHING into woodworking. I am proud of him, though. It's taken him a very long time to find his "calling." He's going to use one of my ideas for his Fellowship project. I'm glad that his Fellowship mentor is Michael Fortune. Should I put a link to him? Here's one. Michael Fortune is very artistic with his furniture (yet it's still functional as furniture...crazy, right?!) and I'm thinkin' that it'll open up my dad's artistic side a bit. Kind of lean him toward the art/artists-aren't-really-so-bad-and-they-can-be-normal-people-of-society-so-you-should-support-your-least-favorite-daughter-in-her-life-choices direction. Was that a bit bold of me to say? Oh! Just as a side note, I don't know if I can scan in the drawing. It's drawn on actual sketch paper unlike the rest of my drawings, so the paper is too big for my scanner/printer machine-thinger. But I will find a way! I don't remember if I posted the drawing I drew at Kayla/Micah's house. Let me check real quick...[BAD GRAMMAR!!!] I didn't. I know I posted it on Facebook; I don't know why I didn't post it here.

This was also drawn on sketch paper, so it's cut off on the bottom. Originally, I drew the "Gylycan." It was a weird creature from my dream the previous night that I was trying to explain to Cameron. I grabbed his sketch book and made a rough sketch of it. Please note that "Gylycan" was the name my brain made up for this creature. I drew it actual size. It kind of looked like a rabbit/ewok/mouse. It was about 3-4 inches tall and lived in holes in my house. It had really long horns coming out of the sides of its head and wore a brown suit. It was also brown and furry and according to my dream these were mythical creatures that Josh Gates was searching for in Destination Truth. Somehow, though, I made these creatures mad and they were going to send goblins after me...which is why it's yelling, "GOBLINS!!!" Back to the drawings, though. The next thing I drew was the eyeball bat. I don't know where it came from. I drew a circle and it led to an eye, and that led to wings, and that led to feet. It's probably one of the drawings I am most proud of which is why I dedicated it to my big brother on Facebook, but he didn't have anything to say about apparently (Thanks, Michael, for crushing my dreams! I'm just kidding :) <3 ). The next thing I drew was the other eye underneath it. It is insignificant. Next I drew out the Lucky Charms because that's what I draw when I can't think of anything else to draw. Next I drew my friend Tyler. He had been asking me for some time to draw him and make a blog post about him. I haven't really thought of anything to say about him and I would like to draw him out on regular computer paper so I can color him and such. Personally, I think it looks exactly like him, but he (and most of his friends) beg to differ. I'm sorry that I don't draw people with noses or fingers or make them look EXACTLY like a person! I draw cartoons not portraits! Then the last thing a drew was the "Not as Extremely Badass as My Other Werewolf." It really isn't as awesome as the one I drew on my wall. I'll have to take a picture of it sometime so I can show you. It's utterly epic. Utterly epic in the sense that it was one of the first real drawings that I had made in almost five years. I started drawing it in pen and switched to pencil in case I messed up. Anyway, I think I'm going to get off my computer and waste my life by playing on my Xbox. Haha, not much of a change, but I don't have enough gas to really go anywhere and Cameron's friends are awkward to hang out with when he isn't there (plus they hate me even though they say they don't and they consider me their friend and not just Cameron's girlfriend even though I knew them and considered them friends before I even knew Cameron existed...that's a lot of "even though's.") OH MY GOOD N PLENTY!!! THERE IS A WASP IN MY ROOM!!! Now I have to go because I need to kill it. Speaking of! There was a baby spider at work today hopping about the tables. Literally. It was JUMPING!!! It freaked me out, so I ripped a piece of packaging tape and slammed it down on top of it. It was still squirming and such so I took a box cutter to it. I am so cruel >:) Bah! Distractions! (That's how you know I'm not hating my life so much anymore :) ) Laterzzzzzzz!

I'm Really for Realz a Boilermaker

I scheduled my classes today. I am in the class of 2015. I will never graduate from college. I can tell you that right now. Today, I wanted to die. It was one of the worst days of my life. The past couple months made me think that maybe...just maybe I don't actually do everything wrong. But today, it was proven that that isn't so. I want to die right now. I want to curl up in a ball and die. And I know that I've been saying that for the past couple posts, but right now I feel it the strongest. I don't want your positive talk. I don't want you to tell me everything will be okay or that things always work out. They don't. Today, things may have finally worked out, but I still feel like the biggest failure on the entire planet. I'm not so sure I'm ready to go back to school. People freak me out and I end up making a fool of myself. I look retarded. I feel retarded. I'm only an inch tall hoping for a foot to come smashing down on top of me. Crushing me and scraping every fiber of my being into the cold, rough cement. But the foot never comes. And it makes me feel worse. I am so alone. And there's no one to go to. I apologize if that offends you, but it's just so difficult for me to relate to/trust people. Dearest Justin Storie, thank you for being a bright, shiny object of laughter in my dismal sucky day. And with that I will go so I can finish this infernal book so I can start on another one.

The World Has Many I's

I have come to the conclusion that I use the word "I" a lot. But I don't care. So far it is in every sentence I have written in this post. But I don't care. There...I said it again. Anyway, (I was going to say "anyways," but that would just make Eric mad...not that he reads my blog or anything. He probably doesn't even know it exists) I should be sleeping right now. I actually got called in to work, but my body is used to staying up until 2am and waking up at noon. I popped two Benedryl, and they started working, then Brett texted me back and I forgot all about sleeping. I feel like talking about a particular incident that happened today. Over the last week, I have decided to teach myself...more like LET myself draw. Like...really draw. I never let myself before because I was always told that I couldn't and/or shouldn't, so I never put any effort into it. But last week I bought a new sketch book and toted it around with me places making small doodles here and there. I started a new page and drew a line. That line turned into a feather, which turned into lots of feathers which turned into a drawing I worked on for two or three days. Typically I draw things and just don't finish them (that or I do finish them and they're a piece of crap), but something told me to continue. So I did. I finished it, but I still feel like something is missing. I don't want to show anyone because I'm too scared to. Cameron came over today and I had forgotten to put it away and he saw it...briefly, but he saw it. I can't stop thinking about it. About how he saw it. I'm proud of it. Proud because he thought it was good...and I suppose on a certain level I think it is, too. But I can't shake this feeling of wanting to crawl into the deepest hole, curl up, and die. A part of me wants to scan it and post it, but another part of me wants to soak it in kerosene and set it on fire until it burns and flies away as ashes in the wind. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I'm going to try to sleep. I need to be up in seven hours.

I Wish I Wasn't Lazy

This post would consist of pictures if I wasn't too lazy to draw them and color them. But whatever. I don't care. I've been feeling apathetic for the last few weeks, so the streak shall continue.


I'm going to write a rant because I haven't done one of those in a long time. The only rants I have are in my Facebook notes. I've felt like posting them here before, but I figured the people who (don't) read this are also the people that (didn't) read my notes on Facebook. I might some day if I really feel like it, but I digress...


Okay, I just discovered that I have a draft saved from one of my Facebook rants. I'll just add onto it then. I'll make the old stuff in a different color and the new stuff in white.


Random Rants of No Real Relation #6:

RANT #1:  Facebook

I hate how Facebook just decides to do whatever it wants even though I tell it to do something else.  Is Facebook run by evil demons on acid?  I don't get messages on the chat and it brings back photo albums that I have deleted.  It also wouldn't let me save this note because it couldn't find the note for some reason.  Well it's here.  I'm currently typing it.  I think Facebook makes people think that their internet is bad just so it can be dumb without getting blamed.  Well you know what?  I figured it out!  Shame on you, druggie demons!  I want my Facebook to work!

RANT #2:  Dumbass Dogs

I hate my dog.  She's so retarded.  She eats rocks and glass and plastic and everything else dogs aren't supposed to eat.  If I leave my bedroom door open she steals things from my room.  Sometimes I wonder why all my pencils are missing and then I realize:  oh yeah, my dumbass dog took them all.  She constantly needs attention.  If someone isn't paying attention to her at all times, she does something stupid.  She's almost three years old (four now since I've written this)and she still chases her tail like a stupid puppy who doesn't know that a tail is supposed to be there.  She just doesn't stop.  She's obnoxious!  Normal dogs aren't like this!  She's...she's like me!  If for some strange reason I were turned into a dog, I would be like my dog.  Everyone knows I'm obnoxious and annoying...picture that in a chocolate lab form.  Ugh!  She's smart enough to do stuff she just won't do it 'cause she just *has* to do her own thing!  No one ever knows what she wants, but she constantly whines.  Okay, seriously, I have to stop this rant 'cause I feel like I'm talking about myself...

RANT #3:  Strong Smelling Cologne

Okay, kiddies.  We all know that you are new to the realm of smelly armpits and body hair.  But that doesn't mean that you have to bathe in half a bottle of cologne or perfume or whatever.  Every time you walk by I can't breathe.  And those perfume departments in stores!  Yikes!  I freaking have asthma attacks!  All of those different, nasty smells mix together and kill my poor, straining lungs.  One squirty is enough people.  And don't spray it directly one yourself; spritz and walk through it.  I totally just discovered that "spritz" is a real word! :D Bahaha!  I think I just made my life!

RANT #4:  My Life

Speaking of my life.  It sucks.  I have the worst luck *ever*!  Everything bad that can happen, happens to me.  It's like the world is punishing me for bad things that I have never done.  It's not God that hates me.  He wouldn't do such cruel and evil things to me.  It's the world.  The world hates me with a screaming passion.  The world likes to rape me with its cold, icy fingers over and over again. And since I'm a good, little girl and pay attention in church, I can safely say that we learned this in church yesterday. That the world will hate us. Although the sermon was talking about the people of the world and not the cosmic forces like I'm talking about. I really don't remember where I was going with this rant since I wrote it about a year ago, so I'll move on.

RANT #5:  People Who Don't Obey Bicycle Traffic Laws

Guess what cyclists, you are NOT a pedestrian! You are a driver! Which means, you have to abide by the TRAFFIC laws not the pedestrian laws. You should not ride your bicycle on the sidewalk or on the left side of the road. You need to stop at stop signs and traffic lights. And you can't just cut in front of someone and expect them to stop. I don't know why this pisses me off so much, but it does. 

RANT #6:  Creepily Obsessed People

Okay, I want to say something about this, but I'm not sure what. I know that Twilight fans would be in this area, but so would other people. To the Twilight fans: IT'S FICTION!!! Why the hell would you be willing to get in a fight over some dumbass gay fairy who isn't even real?! I think I wrote this rant down to complain about a person I know and how he's just obsessed with certain other people I know, but I'm not entirely sure.

RANT #7: Limbs That fall Aslewp 

My pinky and ring finger re sleep, so I can bRELY TYPE THIS PRTICULSR RANT...

RANT #8:  Razor Crunch

Okay, I'll admit that sounds WAY wrong considering I am referring to Cap'n Crunch and that that is Bryce Razor's **ahem** name.  But there really is no other way to describe that cereal.  I love it.  It tastes delicious.  It's pretty much my favorite cereal of all time.  But, alas, it is evil.  It cuts my mouth up something terrible.  It's like I eat the delicious goldenness that is Cap'n Crunch and then realize my mouth is full of tiny lacerations. It makes me want to cry. And now I want some Cap'n Crunch. Did you know that Cap'n Crunch guy is a variation of the Quaker Oats guy?! CRAZY!!! I didn't know that 'til Cameron told me one day. It blew my mind. 

RANT #9:  Graduation Parties

I had the riveting opportunity to go to a graduation party yesterday. It actually wasn't awkward as much as other graduation parties. Other graduation parties are like awkward middle school dances. No one knows what to do. Someone always approaches you and asks questions about how you're doing now and you answer the only answer you can which is not surprisingly short. They stand there not knowing what else to say and they stare at you. You try to walk away, but you know it's just awkward and hope to never encounter them for the rest of the party. But of course someone else asks you the same questions and it cycles. It cycles like a broken washing machine of death!

RANT #10:  People Who Can't Differentiate between Homophones

I don't think I have to say much about this other than "your" and "you're" are different words that can't be interchanged. And "there," "they're," and "their" are all different words that can't be interchanged. And "to," "too," and "two" are all words that can't be interchanged. Learn to write, people! 

RANT #11:  Auto-Correct

I.Hate.Auto-Correct. My phone isn't awesome that makes the auto-corrects worthy of damnyouautocorrect.com. No, it decides to randomly add words to its dictionary without my consent. Words that I've never even used before, but they pop up when I'm trying to text. Whenever I try to say the word "oh" it corrects it to "ng" what is "ng"?! "I'm" turns into "H?o" ummm...what the hell is that?! It's really annoying. I hate my phone. I want a new one so badly.