Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Pangs of Hunger Beseech Me

I am dying. I need to watch Watchmen! I need to watch it a million times in a row! It's been like...three months since I've seen it last. It's been too long! I need violence. And Patrick Wilson. I need "Sound of Silence" and "The Times They Are A-Changin'." I need Jeffrey Dean Morgan. And Jackie Earle Haley. I need the four-legged chicken! I wish I still had this movie! I want to cry. I want to kill something. Sometimes, I wish murder was legal. I'd go out and find some random bloke and blast him to smithereens! Not really. I'd rather not use weapons when I have hands. Strangling and tearing of limbs is more my style. Along with disembowelment. I feel like I've said this already before. I should really go to bed. I haven't really been sleeping lately which is kind of making me crazy. I keep misspelling things and changing subjects. Like today, I FINALLY got the eyelash out of my eye that's been in there for almost three days. It wasn't even mine! It was blonde! No wonder I couldn't see it in the mirror! WHY WAS SOMEONE ELSE'S EYELASH IN MY EYE?!?!?!?!?! Do I even know anyone with blonde eyelashes?! And if I did, why would my eyes be anywhere near their eyes?! I'm out.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

That Last Post Was Fairly Depressing

So I'm going to post this page of comics I found a month ago. I drew them when I went to visit my sister at Houghton on my Spring Break '09...her phonetics class was very boring.

Sad Day of Frisbee Failure

Today I was shamefully reminded of the fact that I am not athletic. I never have been and never will be. I have tried so hard to be athletic, but I epically fail at it. My boyfriend's church plays ultimate frisbee. I was asked to play and since I haven't really been doing much exercising lately, I stupidly agreed. Well guess what, I suck. I suck so bad that I sat out most of the game. I might as well have had a huge sign on my shirt saying "WORST PLAYER OF ULTIMATE FRISBEE! NEVER THROW IN THIS DIRECTION! AND NEVER PUT INTO GAME!" The frisbee was thrown in my direction. I caught 3/4 thrown to me, but failed to block all but one of the passes thrown to the person I was blocking. I can't jump and I sure as hell can't run. I learned that the hard way by joining track in 8th grade. I cried because I lost so much...of course that was when I was home and not during/after the meets. My coach put me on the 800-meter...and ONLY the 800-meter. She tried to put me on high jump because apparently a person who can jump over a 2-centimeter rope can jump backwards over a 3-foot high pole. No. Definitely didn't happen. She tried to put me on long jump. Didn't happen. Thankfully she didn't put me on hurdles. I can't sprint and having to jump over things at the same time would have been the biggest fail anyone has ever seen in their entire lives. I have no idea how I passed my gym classes. Actually, I got a C in my college gym class. I think secondary education gym teachers felt so bad for me that they just passed me. I can't do anything athletic with balls either(please don't take that dirtily). In 7th grade I tried out for the volleyball team. I had such bad hand-eye coordination that I could never actually HIT the ball to serve it. And when I did, it would fall about 5 feet in front of me. I made 2nd-to-last cuts though surprisingly. Another time in 7th grade we had to join the guy's gym class. They were doing baseball. Their gym teacher made me sit out 'cause I couldn't hit the ball. When it was my turn to bat, he'd hit the ball and make me run. I was always the third out anyways. In 3rd grade, I had this strange dream of becoming a professional basketball player. I could never make a basket. My sister would always make fun of me for this. That dream quickly went down the toilet. In 5th grade I signed up for football day-camp at my church. The leader didn't have anywhere else to put me because I sucked so much, so he put me on center. That was the only thing I could do. I could hike a ball better than the rest of the kids...and for that I will always be proud. But the biggest fail of my whole non-athletic life would have to be jump rope. I tried to join a jump rope team in 2nd grade. I wasn't good enough. It took me a whole year to actually get the tricks down to make tryouts. I was on that team for almost 8 years when it ended. And in those 8 years, I only progressed as much as Chinese did to landing on the moon. Everyone else in the jump rope world was better than me. I almost always got last place and I'm pretty sure the judges hated me just because I was a waste of their time. The times I did get first place was by default. I have 14 "gold" metals. All of them were because no one else was competing against me. They're like pity metals. "Oh, you did your best and you showed up without scratching.'s a gold metal for you because you participated." Thanks. I'll wear it with glowing pride. That was sarcastic. Jump rope was my life, though. I sucked at it so much, but I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I didn't go. All my coaches were like, "You have so much potential! You just have to believe in yourself!" I'm sorry, but false motivation does not work on me. I may have had potential, but I am so unbalanced and uncoordinated that I couldn't make magic happen even if I tried. And there is no point to "believing in yourself." It's all bullshit. Every word. My progress was no better when I thought I could do it to when I thought I couldn't do it. I just can't be athletic. I wasn't built for it. I don't think I'm going to go to the next ultimate frisbee game. I'd rather spare what little dignity I have left. Six other girls showed up today other than me, so they won't even need me. I'll sit at home reading and drawing and writing. That's something that I can unshamefully-ish do...

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Newsflash: "Normal"

What is the definition of "normal"?

Adjective: Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.
Noun: The usual, average, or typical state or condition

Now that that is settled, why do people ALWAYS say they aren't "normal"? I don't think there is any such thing as "normal." I was just reading some random girl's blog and she's all like, "I'm not normal. I'm a contradicting person. I'm stubborn and indecisive, shy and outgoing..." blah blah blah. Well guess what, most of the world is that way. Everyone has their contradicting qualities. I, myself, am also stubborn and indecisive, shy and outgoing, smart and retarded, etc. If you really think about it, no one is really that different from each other. Everyone has this idea about being different from each other. If everyone has that idea, doesn't that make us all the same? "I want to be different and not normal, so I'm going to pierce my face and get tattoos and not have normal colored hair!" Yeah, you're not different. You may not look like you did a year ago, but I would still consider you normal and just like everybody else. We all have the same desires deep down. There is no denying it. It's called growing up. So don't go around telling people that you're "different" or "not normal" because the person you're talking to thinks the same about him/herself. That is really weird. The word "him" is a REALLY weird word. It's freaking me out. I'm going to stop writing. 

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Freaking Mimes, Man...

Oh my gosh. So I am not tired at all and it's 2 in the morning. I had decided that boredom was imminent and began to open various folders. As I was exploring my computer, I stumbled upon some old comic work I had made in the 9th grade...

Once upon a time, I was a Freshman in high school. I was in an honors English class (how I passed and managed to not get detentions, I don't know). One day in said English class, we were discussing mimes for some odd reason. One kid of the name Nicholas Stephan blurted out, "What if you were trapped on an island of mimes?!" And thus my comic began! I never really shared any of these comics with anyone. I made them on MS Paint and saved them in a folder that has been unseen by eyes for...goodness, 5 years? That's a long time. And that makes me feel REALLY old. I think it would be almost 6 years now. Mein Gott, how do I not have wrinkles now?! Anyways, here are my mime-alicious comics!

Nothing is consistent and the mime shapes suck, but I don't care. I think they're utterly fantastic and that is probably because It's 2:30 now and I'm delusional. I have been making comics for a long time. I just realized that. Since like...3rd grade. Maybe it's what I'm "meant to do." Ha! That's a good one. I'm pretty sure I'm going to spend my whole life in a cloud of unknowing-ness and end up living in my parents house as a fat blob eating Goldfish and LifeSavers all day. Oh the joys of my promising future...

Friday, May 13, 2011

The Do's and Don'ts of Reading

I love books. I love to read. In fact, I love reading so much that I'm willing to let people borrow my books so they, too, can enjoy reading. They borrow my book and hand it back with such happiness that we both share a wonderful conversation about it later. But some people just don't understand the concept of book borrowing at all, so I'm here to spell out the do's and don'ts of book borrowing for them...


I hope this helped. I tried to dumb it down as fas as I possibly could to ensure complete comprehension. I'm going to go now because I can and I hear my dog doing destructive things downstairs...

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Dr. Who and Winterfrost Gum

I haven't written anything in a long time. I don't really feel any need to apologize for that. I'm watching Doctor Who and chewing winterfrost gum. I really want a Blondie from AppleBees. I don't really have anything else to say. I just wanted you guys to know that I'm not dead. The end.