Monday, February 28, 2011

Things I DON'T Need to See

Here is the long awaited blog post. I know it's not really "long awaited" because no one has really been waiting for it to come out (other than my boyfriend, but that doesn't really count). Please enjoy...or don't enjoy I could really care less how you feel about this post. I'm just going to ramble for a bit because I don't want to type all of this out even though it's already been written. Okay, I think I'm done complaining about typing and I'll get on with complaining about other things.

Why is it that people feel the need to show me disturbing and psychologically damaging images? Is it written on my forehead: PLEASE SHOW ME THINGS THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT OR THAT WILL SCAR ME FOR LIFE? Apparently...
I don't care to see these things mostly because they don't apply to me. Did you hear that? I DON'T CARE!!! Or I do care...for my mental wellbeing. Here, you shall understand...

1) Festering Wounds
Ew. No. Don't show me your oozing, infected wounds. It's your own fault that you were gardening in shorts and you missed that weed and got a hoe stuck in your shin bone. It's your own fault that you didn't go to the doctor and claimed pine needles would heal it. So please, don't show me.

2) Forwarded Emails/Text Messages
This is why I don't give old people my email address and tell people that my picture messaging doesn't work. It really works perfectly fine; I just don't want to see a buttload of penises. That's gross. I don't want to see a dinosaur with a penis body, or a Big Mac with a penis as the burger. I don't want to see a girl having sexual relations with a horse...or a spatula.
No. That's just wrong. And those forwarded emails!
Wow, that is just adorable. It's so adorable that I might just throw up. You're so old that you think this is a real photo. The pixels don't even match up! I don't care!

3) Fat People
Yes, hate me. Nah, I'm kidding. I don't mind seeing fat people. I live in Indiana; I'm surrounded by them.
The fat I can see. THIS...
I cannot. Actually, it doesn't even matter if it's on a fat lady. It could be on anyone and I'll throw up. I won't judge you for wearing a thong. That's your own personal business. I judge you for flaunting it in front of the world. It's not "sexy." It's disturbing.

4) Drunk People Videos
I'm sorry, but I don't find drunk people funny. I find it sad that people have gone so far that they can't even sit without falling backwards. I don't wan to watch someone basically kill themselves. There is only one instance that I have found a drunk person funny, and I wasn't even really there to witness in person...
It was funny...I don't know why.

5) Pictures of Your Children
I sound like an ass. I don't mind looking at family pictures; I just don't want to see those ugly babies
Yikes! You'd better hope that kid grows out of that nose or you are in for some great times ahead. And by that I mean bullies. Great times. Gotta love those ugly babies...

6) Tattoos
I love tattoos. I want a bunch of tattoos, but there are certain ones that I don't need to see. Like this girl that lived a couple doors down from me in college a year ago.
Not really a bad tattoo (and by that I mean "not offensive." I could go on about how this is a retarded tattoo, but I'm not her so I won't get into that), but where it was...
[please say the following with a crappy Scottish accent] MY E'ES!!! She would walk around the floor with no clothes on. I am scarred for life.

7) Semi-Popular Youtube Videos
If the above hasn't given me nightmares, this definitely has. Men dressed as women singing about how they want to have sex with women dressed as men is not my idea of a good time. I also don't want to see videos of hairy, middle-aged men singing about business time.
I'm basically curled in a ball, rocking back and forth thinking about it right now.

8) PDA
I hate PDA more than anything in the whole world at this particular moment in time. You couples with your lovey-dovey, mushiness holding hands down the street. Gross. I'm kidding. Holding hands is fine, but anything beyond that is not anything I need or care to see.

9) Feet
Ugh...I hate feet. Please don't show them to me. This is what feet look like to normal people...
This is what feet look like to me...
They haunt me. Don't show me your feet.

10) Pictures of Myself
Please don't show me pictures of myself. I don't want to see them, especially the old this one.
It's embarrassing. And humiliating. I don't even know why I put that picture up. I'll end this post with this picture so you forget about that one.

And there you have it. That is the blog post. It sucks, I know. And just as a little disclaimer: There is no harm or malice toward the people that have shown me the above images. They were the only examples I could think of at the time. I still love you, just not what you showed me. P.S. Don't judge my photoshop skills for the Bieber Lisa. I didn't pass my graphic arts class. Okay, well I think that about wraps it up. Have a glorious day, y'all.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Merciful Me

You should all be happy. I am forgiving you for being crappy-ass followers. I am going to post my next blog comic...thing as soon as I get the chance (which in all honesty will probably be never). I will keep my blog no matter what. It's a good way to let some steam out, ya know? Well, obvi, you won't because I'm the only one reading this right now. So anyways, all I want to do is color in my Spider-Man coloring book and eat animal crackers. Not those crappy ones that come in the plastic bear...THESE animal crackers. They are love in my mouth.

I wrote that yesterday and completely forgot to write more for it because I got distracted by...I actually don't remember what I got distracted by, but it was obviously more important than blogging. 
Well, I'm going to say that this is it for this crappy update and I'm going to go scan in my drawings. Toodles...

Thursday, February 17, 2011

You Are All the WORST Followers EVER!!!

You all suck. I want feedback and pageviews. None of you are getting me any of that. I can't just keep writing if there's no point to it. I don't think I'll post my next blog comic if there isn't going to be anyone to appreciate it. I was going to work on it today, but decided not to. I might work on it tomorrow when I have nothing better to do until about 3 o'clock. But I won't post it until someone tells me that I should. So speak now or forever hold your peace because I won't be raising hell anymore if you don't say somethin'...the end.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Meh...Do I Have To?

Not that this post really matters, because no one reads this, but I really don't want to do my next comic post for a while. It's not that it's bad or anything I just don't feel like taking the time to color all of the pictures and deciding where exactly I should put them. Blogging is a lot of work! Since I haven't worked in two weeks I've gotten into the habit of being lazy again. That's not a good thing. I am now waking up at 11 o'clock and not taking showers like a dirty bum. That's a lie, I do take showers...just not as often as I would have or as early in the day. Typically I shower every morning, but now I wake up and I'm like, "Meh, I took a shower yesterday..." but I really end up showering at about 4 in the afternoon. Not that any of you needed to know that or anything, but it doesn't matter because no one reads my blog. (At least that's what I'm going to assume since I don't get any feedback from anyone.) Anyways, I'll probably end up working on my blog tomorrow or possibly Thursday when I'm all alone in my house of lonesome. (Please, all you non-existent...I hope...stalkers, don't come by my house when I'm by myself...or ever.) I really need to pick some things up in town, but I don't want to spend the money on gas or spend the time looking for the stuff. It's for my blog actually, but why spend the money on keeping my blog up if I don't have any followers willing to follow? I need some pockets for my drawing binder and new markers. The ones I have are either dead or not quite right. I have the clicky markers now, but I think I'm going to get the ones with just the good-old-fashioned cap. That'll work my arm muscles a bit since they're flabby and useless. My arms and legs are like spaghetti; it's disgusting. I make myself cry now because my muscles are like sea cucumber poop. I just got distracted by pictures of sea cucumber poop. I think that's my cue to go to bed. I bid thee all a good night! (Not that anyone can see it...)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

date of the Up!

No, I am not talking about that stupid Disney movie.  I'm talking about an update!  So pretty much all day today I've been working on my next blog post.  You will be able to tell that I'm lazy and stopped caring about it because as the drawings go on...they get worse.  I've drawn all of the pictures, but the last few I haven't traced in Sharpie yet.  I'm tired of having to draw the thing a second time and then erase what I had previously drawn so the lines don't get all mixed up and look like a pile of dead, rotting camel carcasses.  And just as an FYI, I can't draw animals, so please don't judge and criticize my critter comic abilities. 

And on a second note, I haven't gotten any feedback on anything whatsoever.  That is not acceptable.  You, as my followers, are supposed to say something to my posts.  How am I going to get famous without them?!  Unless you all just don't care about me.  Well, fine.  I see how it is.  You all suck.  You know what else sucks?  Being itchy and having the worst case of eczema in the world.  And having shittay internet.  And having nothing to eat. I'm gonna go now because I've decided to be in a bad mood.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Valentine's Day!

Awhile back (Halloween to be exact) I told all of you that Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday.  And since Valentine's Day is around the corner, I've decided to post this because I think it's funny and because I have no other ideas to post.  I also said that I would explain why I love Valentine's Day so much, but I can't really explain it other than the fact that you get presents and candy.  See, Halloween rocks because you get candy, but Valentine's Day is better because the presents are added to that.  Who cares if there's no "lover" to give those presents.  Friends and family members who pity you also give these things.  :D Yay!  Blah blah blah, I'm just filling up space until I think it's about time to move onto the next section of this post.  And that would be right about now...

So my senior year of high school, my friend KaylaAnn asked me to fill out a piece of paper.  I asked what it was for and she said, "It's for the school newspaper.  The deadline is this Friday; could you get it back to me tomorrow?"  Of course I agreed that I could because I've had to do last minute projects before also.  I looked down at the piece of paper and guess what it was about.  Valentine's Day dates.  I immediately sharted my pants.  I had no idea how to answer any of the questions.  I left school that day and went straight to jump rope practice where I saw none other than my BFF Brett...

Me: "Hey, Princess!  Can you help me answer some of these questions?!"
Brett: "What questions?"
Me: "Ones about Valentine's Day..."
Brett: "Ooh...**eyebrows**"

I handed him the pieces of paper with the Valentine's interview questions and he grabbed a pen.  He proceeded to fill out the paper like he was being me...

Q: What is the most romantic place for a Valentine's date?  Why do you say that?
A: Joseph's [Joseph Decuis] because it's the closest thing to Paris in Indiana.

Q: What is a cheap (but good!) place for a Valentine's date?
A: Krispy Kreme because you get free V-day cards with every purchase!

Q: Would you rather go out to a cheap and convenient restaurant/fast food, or go to a nice and rather expensive locale?  Why?
A: Nice and rather expensive because I'm a girl. Psh, I'm not paying!

Q: Overall, what is the absolute BEST place for a Valentine's date (in Huntington, Fort Wayne, Marion, etc...)?
A: The dinner theater because I'm too lazy to go to two locales in one night.

Q: What is the worst?  Why do you say that?
A: Anywhere Italian.  Who wants to kiss a guy with garlic breath?!

Q: Would you prefer to eat out, or eat a home-cooked meal for Valentine's Day?  Why or why not?
A:  Home-cooked meal, if they have a steamy, hot, hottub.
(Alternate answer he didn't write down: Homecooked meal, it's closer to the bedroom)

Q: What is the most romantic non-food place for a Valentine's Day date?
A: The most romantic place would be at a huge log cabin at a pond with a toasty fireplace.

Q: What is a cheap (but good!) [non-food] place for a Valentine's date?
A: The Roller Dome because they have some pretty entertaining booty-poppin' dancers

Q: Would you rather go to a cheap and typical location, or an exclusive and pricey location for Valentine's Day?  Why?
A: An exclusive and pricey location because I'm not paying

Q: Overall, what is the absolute BEST [non-food] place for a Valentine's date (in Huntington, Fort Wayne, Marion, etc...)?  Why do you say that?
A: The Lexus dealer because that would mean I would be getting a new car.

Q: What is the worst?  Why do you say that?
A: Unfortunately this answer has been lost in time :(

Q: What is your favorite location for a date?
A: Anywhere as long as I'm with my man

Q: How far will you travel for a great date?
A: As far as it takes...

Q: Amongst your friends, what is the most popular locale for dates?
A: Jefferson Pointe

The next day I gave the papers back to KaylaAnn with high hopes that they would be put in the school newspaper.  Unfortunately, she had someone else fill out the interview as well because her teacher said that my answers were "inappropriate."  Psh, inappropriate my arse!  This is what they printed:

Still looking for a place for that Valentine's date?
     With Valentine's Day being just around the corner, odds are that song Huntington North High School couples may still need some tips on great places for a Valentine's Day date.
     For dinner dates, several students suggested Applebee's or Bob Evans in Huntington, A Fort Wayne dinner theater, or various venues at Jefferson Pointe.
     Senior Kristina Hoover recommends, "Joseph's [in Roanoke], because it's the closest thing to Paris in Indiana."
     If you and your dinner date would like to still have a great time, but are on a budget, consider a home-cooked meal.
     When questioned about the absolutely most romantic place for a date, Hoover modestly responded, "The Lexus dealer because that would mean I'm getting a new car."
     Other non-dining suggestions by students included putt-putting, visiting a Krispy Kreme, seeing a movie, or going to the Roller Dome.
     It doesn't really matter where you go for your Valentine's Day date, as long as you both have an enjoyable time.
     Some places to avoid may include, "Anywhere Italian.  Who wants to kiss a guy [or girl] with garlic breath?" added Hoover.

What is that?  Seriously.  That is LAME!!!  I sound like a dumbass.  I don't appreciate this at all.  And since this post is boring and pictureless...I'd like to leave you with this fawesome drawing of me and my love for Valentine's Day*...
*Please note that Valentine's Day poops SweetHearts and prances around throwing roses while screaming cheesy pick-up lines.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

A Heathen I Shall Be...

I really need to be watching my back right now.  I'm in hick country and I'm not watching the Superbowl.  I don't really care for the Steelers or the Packers.  I'm really only watching for the commercials.  Just sitting here...typing next to the ugliest dog in the world that hates me with a passion
I cut my head off but it's the only way she would be in the picture with me.  And don't worry, it's not my dog.  See, I have a real dog...a 75lb dog.  Not some (hello its me her boy friend) little...Shi-Tzu.  So anyways, besides not liking either team, I don't like the half-time show.  I strongly dislike the Black Eyed Peas.  They're obnoxious and annoying and repetitive.  All I really want to do right now is play on the Kinect that I just bought Cam.  If I could put the pictures from it up here, I totally would.  Okay, I'm eating now...I'll most likely be back.

Okay...I'm back now.  I'm eatin' Thin Mints and drinkin' Throwback Dr. Pepper.  I bet this day has caused more heart attacks than any other day out of the year.  I can feel my arteries clogging as I type this.  God bless [American] football.
Lawlz!  I love making crappy photoshop pictures.  Technically I don't make it with Photoshop because I'm poor and can't afford it...but still.  It's awesome cuz it sucks so much.

I'm kinda bored.  My knee hurts from being in the same position for about 2 hours.  And now the evil meanie dog is sitting next to me again.  But just as an update, I started making plans for a new blog post, one of the blog posts with lots of pictures and cheesy laugh loops.  Oh my gosh...I hate McDonald's with a freaking passion.  If I could murder it, I would.  I'm probably going to be done with this post soon because I keep getting distracted.  The end.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Fashionably Late...or Just Incredibly Early

I kept forgetting to post this on Thanksgiving, so I'm going to post it now.  You can either consider it really, really late or really, really early.  I honestly don't care which... comic conscience is clear.

Wha-What?! I'm back...ish. Can you believe there is a new post?! I know, I can't either. I'm sitting...laying on Cameron's bed right now listening to crappy music blaring from his sister's room. It's starting to give me a headache and I may or may not be snowed in his house for the next day or so. I'm not quite sure yet. Bleh, my ankle hurts and I have no idea why and I'm just in an overall bad mood. I feel like every time I write a post I'm in a bad mood. But that's fine and none of you have to worry about that because you're not in close proximity to me at any time. So I still need to put up some pictures that I said I was going to put up. Here's that picture of Michael I said I was going to post like...a month ago...
Yep...that is my epic picture of the Archangel Michael. I don't care if you don't think it's very epic. He's badass and that's all that really matters. And here is the other picture I drew that night which looks horrible, but some people think it looks better than my epic picture of epicness...
It looks like hell. I couldn't erase the bad parts because the eraser on the pencil was basically gone and it was the kind that's hard and gritty that never erases anything. I hate those kind. Okay well I suppose that will be all for now so I'ma go and watch some Beyond Belief Fact or's like a flashback from the '90s and it makes me really happy. The end.