I'm going to write a rant because I haven't done one of those in a long time. The only rants I have are in my Facebook notes. I've felt like posting them here before, but I figured the people who (don't) read this are also the people that (didn't) read my notes on Facebook. I might some day if I really feel like it, but I digress...
Okay, I just discovered that I have a draft saved from one of my Facebook rants. I'll just add onto it then. I'll make the old stuff in a different color and the new stuff in white.
Random Rants of No Real Relation #6:
RANT #1: Facebook
I hate how Facebook just decides to do whatever it wants even though I tell it to do something else. Is Facebook run by evil demons on acid? I don't get messages on the chat and it brings back photo albums that I have deleted. It also wouldn't let me save this note because it couldn't find the note for some reason. Well it's here. I'm currently typing it. I think Facebook makes people think that their internet is bad just so it can be dumb without getting blamed. Well you know what? I figured it out! Shame on you, druggie demons! I want my Facebook to work!
RANT #2: Dumbass Dogs
I hate my dog. She's so retarded. She eats rocks and glass and plastic and everything else dogs aren't supposed to eat. If I leave my bedroom door open she steals things from my room. Sometimes I wonder why all my pencils are missing and then I realize: oh yeah, my dumbass dog took them all. She constantly needs attention. If someone isn't paying attention to her at all times, she does something stupid. She's almost three years old (four now since I've written this)and she still chases her tail like a stupid puppy who doesn't know that a tail is supposed to be there. She just doesn't stop. She's obnoxious! Normal dogs aren't like this! She's...she's like me! If for some strange reason I were turned into a dog, I would be like my dog. Everyone knows I'm obnoxious and annoying...picture that in a chocolate lab form. Ugh! She's smart enough to do stuff she just won't do it 'cause she just *has* to do her own thing! No one ever knows what she wants, but she constantly whines. Okay, seriously, I have to stop this rant 'cause I feel like I'm talking about myself...
RANT #3: Strong Smelling Cologne
Okay, kiddies. We all know that you are new to the realm of smelly armpits and body hair. But that doesn't mean that you have to bathe in half a bottle of cologne or perfume or whatever. Every time you walk by I can't breathe. And those perfume departments in stores! Yikes! I freaking have asthma attacks! All of those different, nasty smells mix together and kill my poor, straining lungs. One squirty is enough people. And don't spray it directly one yourself; spritz and walk through it. I totally just discovered that "spritz" is a real word! :D Bahaha! I think I just made my life!
RANT #4: My Life
Speaking of my life. It sucks. I have the worst luck *ever*! Everything bad that can happen, happens to me. It's like the world is punishing me for bad things that I have never done. It's not God that hates me. He wouldn't do such cruel and evil things to me. It's the world. The world hates me with a screaming passion. The world likes to rape me with its cold, icy fingers over and over again. And since I'm a good, little girl and pay attention in church, I can safely say that we learned this in church yesterday. That the world will hate us. Although the sermon was talking about the people of the world and not the cosmic forces like I'm talking about. I really don't remember where I was going with this rant since I wrote it about a year ago, so I'll move on.
RANT #5: People Who Don't Obey Bicycle Traffic Laws
Guess what cyclists, you are NOT a pedestrian! You are a driver! Which means, you have to abide by the TRAFFIC laws not the pedestrian laws. You should not ride your bicycle on the sidewalk or on the left side of the road. You need to stop at stop signs and traffic lights. And you can't just cut in front of someone and expect them to stop. I don't know why this pisses me off so much, but it does.
RANT #6: Creepily Obsessed People
Okay, I want to say something about this, but I'm not sure what. I know that Twilight fans would be in this area, but so would other people. To the Twilight fans: IT'S FICTION!!! Why the hell would you be willing to get in a fight over some dumbass gay fairy who isn't even real?! I think I wrote this rant down to complain about a person I know and how he's just obsessed with certain other people I know, but I'm not entirely sure.
RANT #7: Limbs That fall Aslewp
My pinky and ring finger re sleep, so I can bRELY TYPE THIS PRTICULSR RANT...
RANT #8: Razor Crunch
Okay, I'll admit that sounds WAY wrong considering I am referring to Cap'n Crunch and that that is Bryce Razor's **ahem** name. But there really is no other way to describe that cereal. I love it. It tastes delicious. It's pretty much my favorite cereal of all time. But, alas, it is evil. It cuts my mouth up something terrible. It's like I eat the delicious goldenness that is Cap'n Crunch and then realize my mouth is full of tiny lacerations. It makes me want to cry. And now I want some Cap'n Crunch. Did you know that Cap'n Crunch guy is a variation of the Quaker Oats guy?! CRAZY!!! I didn't know that 'til Cameron told me one day. It blew my mind.
RANT #9: Graduation Parties
I had the riveting opportunity to go to a graduation party yesterday. It actually wasn't awkward as much as other graduation parties. Other graduation parties are like awkward middle school dances. No one knows what to do. Someone always approaches you and asks questions about how you're doing now and you answer the only answer you can which is not surprisingly short. They stand there not knowing what else to say and they stare at you. You try to walk away, but you know it's just awkward and hope to never encounter them for the rest of the party. But of course someone else asks you the same questions and it cycles. It cycles like a broken washing machine of death!
RANT #10: People Who Can't Differentiate between Homophones
I don't think I have to say much about this other than "your" and "you're" are different words that can't be interchanged. And "there," "they're," and "their" are all different words that can't be interchanged. And "to," "too," and "two" are all words that can't be interchanged. Learn to write, people!
RANT #11: Auto-Correct
I.Hate.Auto-Correct. My phone isn't awesome that makes the auto-corrects worthy of damnyouautocorrect.com. No, it decides to randomly add words to its dictionary without my consent. Words that I've never even used before, but they pop up when I'm trying to text. Whenever I try to say the word "oh" it corrects it to "ng" what is "ng"?! "I'm" turns into "H?o" ummm...what the hell is that?! It's really annoying. I hate my phone. I want a new one so badly.
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