The World Has Many I's

I have come to the conclusion that I use the word "I" a lot. But I don't care. So far it is in every sentence I have written in this post. But I don't care. There...I said it again. Anyway, (I was going to say "anyways," but that would just make Eric mad...not that he reads my blog or anything. He probably doesn't even know it exists) I should be sleeping right now. I actually got called in to work, but my body is used to staying up until 2am and waking up at noon. I popped two Benedryl, and they started working, then Brett texted me back and I forgot all about sleeping. I feel like talking about a particular incident that happened today. Over the last week, I have decided to teach myself...more like LET myself draw. Like...really draw. I never let myself before because I was always told that I couldn't and/or shouldn't, so I never put any effort into it. But last week I bought a new sketch book and toted it around with me places making small doodles here and there. I started a new page and drew a line. That line turned into a feather, which turned into lots of feathers which turned into a drawing I worked on for two or three days. Typically I draw things and just don't finish them (that or I do finish them and they're a piece of crap), but something told me to continue. So I did. I finished it, but I still feel like something is missing. I don't want to show anyone because I'm too scared to. Cameron came over today and I had forgotten to put it away and he saw it...briefly, but he saw it. I can't stop thinking about it. About how he saw it. I'm proud of it. Proud because he thought it was good...and I suppose on a certain level I think it is, too. But I can't shake this feeling of wanting to crawl into the deepest hole, curl up, and die. A part of me wants to scan it and post it, but another part of me wants to soak it in kerosene and set it on fire until it burns and flies away as ashes in the wind. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I'm going to try to sleep. I need to be up in seven hours.