Good Mornding, World!

I lied. It's actually not a good morning. I have been up since 2:06. I woke up for no reason like I always do and haven't been able to get back to sleep. Just as I was about to fall back asleep again, I realized that there is a dog outside my window that has been barking. Well it's two and a half hours later and that dog is still barking. I want to take a rocket launcher to that effing dog. I had no idea that dogs could bark for so long without their lungs or throat exploding. Well, shit! I wish they would! If that dog barks again tomorrow night, I'm moving downstairs to the couch where the walls are thicker and there is more background noise...plus it's on the opposite side of the house. I thought about it about an hour ago, but decided that would be weird. I'd do it now, but I'm far from the point of falling back asleep for a second time. I'd just have to get up in three hours...make it two hours for work. So I'm just going to lay here in bed with my earbuds in and my music up four notches on my computer because two and three won't cover up the sound of that [insert four letter word] dog. Maybe I'll go downstairs and play some Black Ops instead of laying here.  Way to start a day right? Nah, I'll just stay here. And I think I'm done for now. I don't really feel like writing anymore.


UPDATE!!!
I totally just realized the title of this post is spelled wrong. And that dumb dog is still barking. I'm going to head out to work a little bit early so I can find it and hit it with my car.


UPDATE 2!!!
Do my ears deceive me?! Either my eardrums have ruptured in a bloody, seeping mess from prolonged exposure to loud-ass music...or the incessant dog has stopped barking! There is a God!  I can tell that I'm tired because I'm having to fix typos every three words. My fingers decided to spazz out and just type any letter they want to. And that sad part is that I don't even notice until I'm halfway done with the next sentence. It just took me 30 seconds to figure out how to spell "sentence." It was like "s-e-t-e-n...no no no...s-e-t...s-e-N-t...e...n-v...C-e." Okay, that last sentence took me forever to write. Can't wait to go to work tomorrow! Although it can't be much worse than that time I went to work on an all-nighter. I had refused to sleep that night because I kept having dreams about work. During the day I'd work stuffing purses and taking inventory on everything. At night I would sleep and dream about stuffing purses and taking inventory on them. And I'd wake up the next day and go to work and so on and so forth. This had been going on for a week or so and I decided that there was no point to sleeping because I didn't get rest in the first place. It worked. I went to work doing the mindless tasks as always and went home and crashed. I slept straight through the night without disturbing work dreams. I don't even remember dreaming at all. Oh gosh...I'm starting to drift off! This can't happen! I have to be awake in half an hour! Screw it. I don't care. I'll pretend the work day will go fast and maybe it will. Who am I kidding? That never works. OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE DOG JUST STARTED BARKING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x_x I had twenty minutes of peace. Either that or the bark is permanently burned into my brain. I think so...because I just took my earbuds out and the bark is not there. Maybe my neighbor shot the dog. That'd be the best thing ever. I don't like my neighbor, but if he shot that dog I would kiss his gross, hairy, hillbilly feet. My arms hurt. I'm done... 

Ugh...

So I haven't written anything in awhile. And I'm not in a good mood, so why not write something right now, right? I'm bored. I've been playing nothing but Black Ops for the last two days. I got the internet to work on my xbox for a couple hours, but now it won't work anymore. What's the point of playing anything if I can't connect to xbox live? There isn't any. I need to get a wifi adapter for it instead of hooking it up through my computer. I actually stopped writing this post after that last sentence and played Black Ops. I need a life. Yesterday, I hung out with Tracey and we went to GameStop to get Black Ops and the things coming out of my mouth were just too nerdy for her to handle. I was talking about CoD and Heroscape and Watchmen and other graphic novels. She's just happy that I still wear normal clothes and not baggy jeans and black t-shirts. Okay, I may just have to leave you now because I'm watching my favorite movie of all time which would happen to be Moulin Rouge. I wish this movie was my life...despite the whole whore house thing and dying of consumption. People always wonder why I love this movie because it's all about love and I basically hate love. This movie seriously is how my mind works. I wish I could break out into song and dance at any given moment in time without it being high school musical/glee-ish. And even though I've seen this movie a million times, I still miss things every time. If they were to do this musical anywhere near me, I would audition for it even though I can't act or sing worth shit. HAROLD ZIDLER!!! :D <3 I love him. He is my favorite. Ah! I love the costumes in this movie! and the choreography, and the music. This movie is just so ridiculous, it's excellent. I kind of want to find something to eat. Bahahaha! Inuendos! :D They make me laugh! Okay, the elephant scene...I kind of want Satine to just shut up. She's obnoxious. If I were a man I would NOT get on that. PS...an Elton John song has never sounded so grand :) <3 Ah!!! I love the Duke's voice!


I wrote that like...three days ago and forgot to finish it. I don't even feel like finishing it. Maybe I should just post this mid-sentence. Or maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should turn this into an update and tell you that I have the next post written and not illustrated. There are a lot of drawings to be put to this one. It's long. It's like a list of stories. Maybe I should put it into parts like I do for the Introductions, but I feel like if I do that, then I won't really finish it ever. I don't know. I'm done writing.

I Am Such a Sinner

Why is it that I always come up with blog ideas in church and end up writing half of it and not paying attention to the sermon? I'm going to hell. Anyways, I am in the midst of writing a new post. I'm not sure if I want to make it all comic-y or if I'm just going to rant. And by the way, I appreciate your feedback (what little it is). I would actually prefer feedback that is in the comment section of this blog and not on facebook or in person. I also appreciate you saying it's "hilarious" or that I have "nice artworks." I honestly don't think so, but whatever...that's not for me to decide. I actually thought this last post was one of my worst. Gah! I keep sneezing! I want to take a shower. I'm cold. And now I can't breathe. My throat hurts. And I'm thirsty. Cameron is claiming that I'm getting sick, but I don't believe him. What was I going to say? I don't remember. I'm going to go now because I can and because I don't really know what else to say.

[Insert Long and Heavy Sigh Because a Title Is Just Not Good Enough]

Is it bad that I regret posting Rules of the Rural? I feel like my other blog posts can never compare to the funniness that is that post. All of the ones I've posted after that one haven't been nearly as funny or awesome. It makes me feel like I can't even measure up to myself :( Mmm...I need to be getting to bed. I have to be up early. I brushed my teeth two hours ago, but I really want a Girl Scout cookie. I'm going to do it and I don't care. This cookie just thanked me in Spanish. Well, de nada, cookie. You tasted wonderful. Don't tell Cam, but I'm going to finish the rest of this box. He will be upset to find this out. And also that there probably aren't any fortune cookies left. He has recently started to keep things at my house...like food. And all of his movies. And his class A's. Well I think I'm done writing for the night. And just in case you're reading this, Justin, I mention you in the previous blog post. At the time I wished you a happy birthday that was the newest blog post. So I apologize for any confusion I may have caused you. And PS, I still mentioned you in this one which is the newest one, but that doesn't really matter :P haha. Okay, I'm done now.


...There is one cookie left. I will save it for Cam because I'm nice like that...

Things I DON'T Need to See

Here is the long awaited blog post. I know it's not really "long awaited" because no one has really been waiting for it to come out (other than my boyfriend, but that doesn't really count). Please enjoy...or don't enjoy I could really care less how you feel about this post. I'm just going to ramble for a bit because I don't want to type all of this out even though it's already been written. Okay, I think I'm done complaining about typing and I'll get on with complaining about other things.


Why is it that people feel the need to show me disturbing and psychologically damaging images? Is it written on my forehead: PLEASE SHOW ME THINGS THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT OR THAT WILL SCAR ME FOR LIFE? Apparently...

I don't care to see these things mostly because they don't apply to me. Did you hear that? I DON'T CARE!!! Or I do care...for my mental wellbeing. Here, you shall understand...


1) Festering Wounds

Ew. No. Don't show me your oozing, infected wounds. It's your own fault that you were gardening in shorts and you missed that weed and got a hoe stuck in your shin bone. It's your own fault that you didn't go to the doctor and claimed pine needles would heal it. So please, don't show me.


2) Forwarded Emails/Text Messages

This is why I don't give old people my email address and tell people that my picture messaging doesn't work. It really works perfectly fine; I just don't want to see a buttload of penises. That's gross. I don't want to see a dinosaur with a penis body, or a Big Mac with a penis as the burger. I don't want to see a girl having sexual relations with a horse...or a spatula.

No. That's just wrong. And those forwarded emails!

Wow, that is just adorable. It's so adorable that I might just throw up. You're so old that you think this is a real photo. The pixels don't even match up! I don't care!


3) Fat People
Yes, hate me. Nah, I'm kidding. I don't mind seeing fat people. I live in Indiana; I'm surrounded by them.

The fat I can see. THIS...

I cannot. Actually, it doesn't even matter if it's on a fat lady. It could be on anyone and I'll throw up. I won't judge you for wearing a thong. That's your own personal business. I judge you for flaunting it in front of the world. It's not "sexy." It's disturbing.


4) Drunk People Videos

I'm sorry, but I don't find drunk people funny. I find it sad that people have gone so far that they can't even sit without falling backwards. I don't wan to watch someone basically kill themselves. There is only one instance that I have found a drunk person funny, and I wasn't even really there to witness in person...

It was funny...I don't know why.


5) Pictures of Your Children
I sound like an ass. I don't mind looking at family pictures; I just don't want to see those ugly babies

Yikes! You'd better hope that kid grows out of that nose or you are in for some great times ahead. And by that I mean bullies. Great times...fun times. Gotta love those ugly babies...


6) Tattoos
I love tattoos. I want a bunch of tattoos, but there are certain ones that I don't need to see. Like this girl that lived a couple doors down from me in college a year ago.

Not really a bad tattoo (and by that I mean "not offensive." I could go on about how this is a retarded tattoo, but I'm not her so I won't get into that), but where it was...

[please say the following with a crappy Scottish accent] MY E'ES!!! She would walk around the floor with no clothes on. I am scarred for life.


7) Semi-Popular Youtube Videos
If the above hasn't given me nightmares, this definitely has. Men dressed as women singing about how they want to have sex with women dressed as men is not my idea of a good time. I also don't want to see videos of hairy, middle-aged men singing about business time.

I'm basically curled in a ball, rocking back and forth thinking about it right now.


8) PDA

I hate PDA more than anything in the whole world at this particular moment in time. You couples with your lovey-dovey, mushiness holding hands down the street. Gross. I'm kidding. Holding hands is fine, but anything beyond that is not anything I need or care to see.


9) Feet
Ugh...I hate feet. Please don't show them to me. This is what feet look like to normal people...

This is what feet look like to me...

They haunt me. Don't show me your feet.

10) Pictures of Myself
Please don't show me pictures of myself. I don't want to see them, especially the old ones...like this one.

It's embarrassing. And humiliating. I don't even know why I put that picture up. I'll end this post with this picture so you forget about that one.

And there you have it. That is the blog post. It sucks, I know. And just as a little disclaimer: There is no harm or malice toward the people that have shown me the above images. They were the only examples I could think of at the time. I still love you, just not what you showed me. P.S. Don't judge my photoshop skills for the Bieber Lisa. I didn't pass my graphic arts class. Okay, well I think that about wraps it up. Have a glorious day, y'all.

Merciful Me

You should all be happy. I am forgiving you for being crappy-ass followers. I am going to post my next blog comic...thing as soon as I get the chance (which in all honesty will probably be never). I will keep my blog no matter what. It's a good way to let some steam out, ya know? Well, obvi, you won't because I'm the only one reading this right now. So anyways, all I want to do is color in my Spider-Man coloring book and eat animal crackers. Not those crappy ones that come in the plastic bear...THESE animal crackers. They are love in my mouth.


I wrote that yesterday and completely forgot to write more for it because I got distracted by...I actually don't remember what I got distracted by, but it was obviously more important than blogging. 
Well, I'm going to say that this is it for this crappy update and I'm going to go scan in my drawings. Toodles...

You Are All the WORST Followers EVER!!!

You all suck. I want feedback and pageviews. None of you are getting me any of that. I can't just keep writing if there's no point to it. I don't think I'll post my next blog comic if there isn't going to be anyone to appreciate it. I was going to work on it today, but decided not to. I might work on it tomorrow when I have nothing better to do until about 3 o'clock. But I won't post it until someone tells me that I should. So speak now or forever hold your peace because I won't be raising hell anymore if you don't say somethin'...the end.