Money and Planning is Never Fun

So I'm just going to rant and rave about my stupid money issues here because I can and because I've been doing math for the last hour trying to figure out how to afford things. I want to save up my money for a puppy and for a new computer and maybe...maybe for a house. I don't want to jinx anything about a house and I know it's really stupid to be looking for one right now cuz we're super poor, but I really hate living in apartments. They're expensive and small and you can't do anything and you will always have annoying neighbors with yappy, little dogs and loud banging in odd hours of the night. I hate my neighbors if you can't tell. Ugh! They are so annoying. They constantly stomp around and they have this little, ugly, stupid dog that barks at EVERYTHING it sees and hears. I want to kill it. Literally. I would shoot that thing if I could. Steal it, skin it, package the meat, put it on their doorstep, and wear the skin as boots. And when the boots have gone out of fashion, I'd use them as toilet paper and watch it drown in my fecal matter. That is how much I hate that dog. Anyway, back to the money part...I have done some math stuffs trying to determine how much money I'll have by the end of the year/my birthday through saving and I will still be really poor. My savings account is full of spiderwebs right now, but hopefully I'll get some stuff in there. I'm trying to budget things and not spend unless I absolutely have to which is pretty difficult for me. I hate being impulsive. Anyway...I can't decide if I want I want to save my money for. I REALLY want a puppy. Cam does too...but the dog that we want is about $875 I think...and then it costs $425 to ship it out here. So that's $1300 just for the puppy alone. Then there's vet costs, food costs, micro chips, collars, tags, cleaning supplies, toys, and pet fees for the apartment. It bums me out. Cam said that we'd get on the waiting list for the dog on my birthday. But my math is not in the green from my calculations. Granted that's only from my income and I've been estimating low, but still. I think Cam is going to start is own savings account. I don't know how that's going to workout. It makes me nervous cuz he's not as good with money as I am. I don't know. And I really want a new computer. I hate Cam's computer. Windows 8 confuses the hell out of me. I try to click on something and then something else pops up and then it tells me that I can't do something and I get pissed and give up. Buuuuuut...when I look at prices on the Apple Store's website I go into a deep depression. I can't decide if I want to get a iMac or a MacBook Pro. An iMac is what I want, but for the time being, a MacBook is more practical. There isn't space in this tiny apartment for a desk for an iMac, but I think we'll be moving out of this place 7 months (and to be honest, I don't even think I'll have enough saved up for a new computer in 7 months), so I don't know what I'll get. I think the iMacs are cheaper. And I like the feel of a mouse a million times better than a trackpad. But if I got the iMac I'd get a trackpad for it anyway. I just don't know what I want. Is it weird that I like to fake plan? That what this whole day has been for me. I've been doing monetary calculations and planned out my whole life for the next 2 months even though I know none of it is going to happen. It makes me feel safe...cuz I'm a control freak. And I hate the unknown. It makes me nervous and I feel like I'm going to drown. I totally need drugs (and by that I mean prescribed drugs). Not that I'd take them anyway. Oh! and another thing I would add to my list of things to save for: a tattoo. Yes, I know I'm a heathen for wanting one (or 20). But I've always wanted tattoos so the whole world can suck it. But I don't know if my skin would react well with ink since it's so sensitive and hates me. Well, you know what, skin? I hate you, too! It's been getting better a little bit. By this time last year I would have been covered in one giant rash from head to toe and I've only got a little on my wrists and a patch on my neck. And two years ago I would have basically been trapped in my house and the year before I would have been crying cuz it hurt so bad and would have been trapped in my house and wishing that I could illegally purchase steroids to make it better. Maybe by this time next year it'll be all gone and I'll have perfect skin again (yeah right). I'm so optimistic...not. I'm not optimistic, I'm not pessimistic, I am realistic. And proud of it. I have a feeling that this is going to be a really long post because I have to much to write about. Maybe I should divide this into different sections so it flows better. Oh my goodness, so the other night I had a dream about my dad. It was the strangest dream I think I have ever had. If anybody is reading this, which I highly doubt, you should know that I am really weird about dreams. I think dreams are real. More like...I don't know how to explain it. Dreams have meaning. I feel like dreams are a way of conveying a message whether that be from my subconscious (or a sixth sense), someone else, or something else. This is going to sound extremely crazy, but sometimes I think dreams happen in a different dimension. Like our souls leave our bodies and float around in the astral plane and our physical bodies try to interpret what we see or have seen. That sounds really kooky and I don't even care. But I think this because my dreams are so vivid and slightly realistic and they freak me out. Anyway, back to my dream about my dad...since it was a few days ago, I don't remember all the details. I should have written it down, but I don't know where I put my dream journal. But I dreamt that my dad was okay with me. It is the first dream I've had about my dad where he wasn't yelling at me or angry with me. The first one ever. That's why it stuck with me. It was so weird. Gosh, I wish I could remember the details! I told Cam, but I highly doubt he remembers cuz I tell him my dreams all the time and they probably just blend into one another. But my dad basically told me he cared about me and that he was okay with me not going to school. He told me that everything was going to be alright. It disturbed me. Ever since I can remember I've only had dreams about my dad yelling at me or getting mad at me for something I did. There was a time that I would have dreams about tornadoes at least once a week and they didn't stop until I realized that the tornado was representing my dad. My mom is rarely ever in my dreams and if she is she's either dead, dying, or had disappeared. My sister only appears in my dreams if she's yelling or angry with me. My brother is only ever in my dreams if he's dead, dying, or has disappeared. That's weird. I should look that up. I need a shower. 

This is a TRUE Break of a Hiatus

Okay, this stupid blog needs to stop asking me to post this to Google+ because I'm not going to post this to Google+. Anyway, I know it's been over a year since I last updated this blog (I think) and I want to get back into it. I've had three days off from work which is immensely crazy in two ways. One, I actually got three days off in a row. And two, I've been going nuts trying to figure out what to do. So whilst being bored and watching LA Ink on Netflix, I decided to whip out my handy-dandy sketch book and just start doodling away. I haven't done that in the longest time. I just don't have time to do it anymore which is really discouraging. I know I'm not the best doodler out there, but sometimes drawing really makes me feel better. To be honest, I feel like I'm getting better at realistic drawings, yet I also feel like I'm getting worse at the comic/cartoon part. I'm still definitely better at making cartoon figures than making something look like it came straight off the camera. I don't know. Anyway, as I was drawing away looking at the super cool tattoos on the TV, I decided to look for my old blogging binder that housed all of my drawings that I had scanned or needed to scan for this here blog. And I found it! I mean I knew exactly where it was, but I had forgotten all of the awesome things that I had put inside of it. I found this weird little comic that I think I drew in one of my art classes (I scanned it and was going to post it, but I didn't realize that it cut off the bottom three inches until now and I'm too lazy to get up and re-scan it) that I wanted to post. And I also thought of this sweet-o neat-o idea. I want to cross-stitch some of my drawings. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?! Yes. And just in case you're going to ask (which I know you won't because at this point NOBODY reads this thing) yes, I know how to cross-stitch and yes, I love it. I learned how to do it in my high school crafts class that I took as a BS class to fill up time and I've been wanting to actually make something and hang them all over my nifty apartment because the walls are bare and figured that I could make patterns of my drawings and when people see them they can be all like, "Whoa, man, that's so frickin' cool! I wish I had some of those sweet-o neat-o cross-stitchy artworks hanging up on my wall!" That was the longest run-on sentence I have ever made. Also, yes my friends would talk like that because I'm pretty sure that most of them are high all the time. And to answer your other question: no, I am not high all the time, I am not high now, nor have I ever been high. I know some of you might find that surprising, but I really have no plan on using drugs. Hugs not drugs, kids. Anyway I think I'm going to skedaddle and leave you with a drawing of a little cat that I named Sebastian and a little fox that I named Foxy :)

Breaking the Hiatus

I am nearly positive that nobody reads my blog anymore. That is mostly my fault since I haven't posted anything in quite some time. Anyway, I am here to talk about the greatest game on the internet...ever. Felicia Day had mentioned something about it in one of her Flogs (which I don't watch, but one of my friends does) and now I am hooked on it. It's like Telestrations but online with millions of people. My drawings aren't the best considering I have to draw everything with my stupid little trackpad. But anyway it's really a lot of fun and if you're not playing it I highly recommend that you do! If you want to check out my profile and my drawings, you can look at it here. I suppose that's all I wanted to say so I bid thee a farewell...

Titles Are for Those Who Have Time to Think of One...

So I'm sitting here before my English class begins. I just realized I'm wearing socks with moccasins. Totally meant to wear actual shoes today. Anyway, I have just wanted to let you all know that I am going to try to start comicing again soon. Probably not this week since I work so much, but soon. I do have an idea for a rage comic, but I wouldn't want to post that here. Or maybe I will. I don't know. My ears are cold. Oh! I got my new driver's license today! It looks terrible, but I don't really think that matters since I'm going to get a new one in six months. Unless they use the same picture o_O I don't know why I'm writing here today. There's not really much to report. I shall continue later!

Thank God for my Parents

In all my years, I never thought I would say those words. This month and last month have definitely been the hardest on me financially. There have been more unexpected expenses in the last two months that have just drained me of everything I have. I owe my parents so much now and I am so thankful for them. Especially my dad (definitely NEVER thought I would say those words). Thank you God for the father you have given me. As most of you know, I've been struggling with God for...most of my life. More so after I went to Huntington. Huntington was the worst thing that could ever happen with my relationship with God and for the past two years, I am ashamed to say that He was nearly absent in my life. Well, this year, as a bit of a resolution, I decided that I need to get back to Him. I started out small with prayers throughout the day and I tried a different approach with praise instead of just "Hello...I'm walking to class and talking to You at the same time..." And it worked. For the first two weeks of class I felt better and things were going well until Doubt came in. I started thinking that God is only helping me for now and that soon it'll go back to the way it was where I'm ignored. And as soon as that happened, everything started going wrong. I got angry, reclusive, and stressed. But last night I got that song stuck in my head that goes "I will cast all of my cares upon You..." I don't really know the rest of the song, but I tried it as hard as it was to do it. Trust is so hard, but I have what I need now. I just really hope that this one resolution is one that I stick to...

Pink Bullets and Billy Mays

My finger keeps hitting the caps lock button and my other finger keeps hitting the semi-colon instead of the letter "l" and it's kind of annoying. Anyway, I have about 5 minutes before I need to head to class. I don't entirely remember what classroom number it is, but I'll figure it out. I am so happy that I don't have to work until Friday. I want some days to do nothing...except I won't be able to do that because I'll have homework. So just a random thought, I hate statistics. I don't understand it and we haven't even gotten into the numbers part yet. But I shall have to finish this post later so I can get my shoes and coat on and head to class...

2012: When the World Ends Before It Begins

So I know this post is about 12 days to late to really be talking about the new year, but I haven't really had the urge to write until today. And it's not so much an urge as it is a you-should-write-because-you-haven't-in-a-while. Well, here I am writing. I should be comic-ing, I know. I actually had one drawn up, but I seem to have misplaced my markers and haven't had the funds to buy new ones. It sounds REALLY lame, but I was $200 short on paying rent let alone bills last month and this month will probably turn out similar. They've been cutting everyone's hours at work and it's really hurting me. I won't be able to buy books this semester. And of course it's the semester that I actually need to have the books unlike last semester where the teachers said we needed to get the books, but we really didn't. I don't know what to do. There are a lot of things I need to get for the house and myself also, but I don't know how that's going to happen. I just got gas today too...I hate money and the need for money. I should be getting to bed soon.