The World Has Many I's

I have come to the conclusion that I use the word "I" a lot. But I don't care. So far it is in every sentence I have written in this post. But I don't care. There...I said it again. Anyway, (I was going to say "anyways," but that would just make Eric mad...not that he reads my blog or anything. He probably doesn't even know it exists) I should be sleeping right now. I actually got called in to work, but my body is used to staying up until 2am and waking up at noon. I popped two Benedryl, and they started working, then Brett texted me back and I forgot all about sleeping. I feel like talking about a particular incident that happened today. Over the last week, I have decided to teach myself...more like LET myself draw. Like...really draw. I never let myself before because I was always told that I couldn't and/or shouldn't, so I never put any effort into it. But last week I bought a new sketch book and toted it around with me places making small doodles here and there. I started a new page and drew a line. That line turned into a feather, which turned into lots of feathers which turned into a drawing I worked on for two or three days. Typically I draw things and just don't finish them (that or I do finish them and they're a piece of crap), but something told me to continue. So I did. I finished it, but I still feel like something is missing. I don't want to show anyone because I'm too scared to. Cameron came over today and I had forgotten to put it away and he saw it...briefly, but he saw it. I can't stop thinking about it. About how he saw it. I'm proud of it. Proud because he thought it was good...and I suppose on a certain level I think it is, too. But I can't shake this feeling of wanting to crawl into the deepest hole, curl up, and die. A part of me wants to scan it and post it, but another part of me wants to soak it in kerosene and set it on fire until it burns and flies away as ashes in the wind. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I'm going to try to sleep. I need to be up in seven hours.

I Wish I Wasn't Lazy

This post would consist of pictures if I wasn't too lazy to draw them and color them. But whatever. I don't care. I've been feeling apathetic for the last few weeks, so the streak shall continue.


I'm going to write a rant because I haven't done one of those in a long time. The only rants I have are in my Facebook notes. I've felt like posting them here before, but I figured the people who (don't) read this are also the people that (didn't) read my notes on Facebook. I might some day if I really feel like it, but I digress...


Okay, I just discovered that I have a draft saved from one of my Facebook rants. I'll just add onto it then. I'll make the old stuff in a different color and the new stuff in white.


Random Rants of No Real Relation #6:

RANT #1:  Facebook

I hate how Facebook just decides to do whatever it wants even though I tell it to do something else.  Is Facebook run by evil demons on acid?  I don't get messages on the chat and it brings back photo albums that I have deleted.  It also wouldn't let me save this note because it couldn't find the note for some reason.  Well it's here.  I'm currently typing it.  I think Facebook makes people think that their internet is bad just so it can be dumb without getting blamed.  Well you know what?  I figured it out!  Shame on you, druggie demons!  I want my Facebook to work!

RANT #2:  Dumbass Dogs

I hate my dog.  She's so retarded.  She eats rocks and glass and plastic and everything else dogs aren't supposed to eat.  If I leave my bedroom door open she steals things from my room.  Sometimes I wonder why all my pencils are missing and then I realize:  oh yeah, my dumbass dog took them all.  She constantly needs attention.  If someone isn't paying attention to her at all times, she does something stupid.  She's almost three years old (four now since I've written this)and she still chases her tail like a stupid puppy who doesn't know that a tail is supposed to be there.  She just doesn't stop.  She's obnoxious!  Normal dogs aren't like this!  She's...she's like me!  If for some strange reason I were turned into a dog, I would be like my dog.  Everyone knows I'm obnoxious and annoying...picture that in a chocolate lab form.  Ugh!  She's smart enough to do stuff she just won't do it 'cause she just *has* to do her own thing!  No one ever knows what she wants, but she constantly whines.  Okay, seriously, I have to stop this rant 'cause I feel like I'm talking about myself...

RANT #3:  Strong Smelling Cologne

Okay, kiddies.  We all know that you are new to the realm of smelly armpits and body hair.  But that doesn't mean that you have to bathe in half a bottle of cologne or perfume or whatever.  Every time you walk by I can't breathe.  And those perfume departments in stores!  Yikes!  I freaking have asthma attacks!  All of those different, nasty smells mix together and kill my poor, straining lungs.  One squirty is enough people.  And don't spray it directly one yourself; spritz and walk through it.  I totally just discovered that "spritz" is a real word! :D Bahaha!  I think I just made my life!

RANT #4:  My Life

Speaking of my life.  It sucks.  I have the worst luck *ever*!  Everything bad that can happen, happens to me.  It's like the world is punishing me for bad things that I have never done.  It's not God that hates me.  He wouldn't do such cruel and evil things to me.  It's the world.  The world hates me with a screaming passion.  The world likes to rape me with its cold, icy fingers over and over again. And since I'm a good, little girl and pay attention in church, I can safely say that we learned this in church yesterday. That the world will hate us. Although the sermon was talking about the people of the world and not the cosmic forces like I'm talking about. I really don't remember where I was going with this rant since I wrote it about a year ago, so I'll move on.

RANT #5:  People Who Don't Obey Bicycle Traffic Laws

Guess what cyclists, you are NOT a pedestrian! You are a driver! Which means, you have to abide by the TRAFFIC laws not the pedestrian laws. You should not ride your bicycle on the sidewalk or on the left side of the road. You need to stop at stop signs and traffic lights. And you can't just cut in front of someone and expect them to stop. I don't know why this pisses me off so much, but it does. 

RANT #6:  Creepily Obsessed People

Okay, I want to say something about this, but I'm not sure what. I know that Twilight fans would be in this area, but so would other people. To the Twilight fans: IT'S FICTION!!! Why the hell would you be willing to get in a fight over some dumbass gay fairy who isn't even real?! I think I wrote this rant down to complain about a person I know and how he's just obsessed with certain other people I know, but I'm not entirely sure.

RANT #7: Limbs That fall Aslewp 

My pinky and ring finger re sleep, so I can bRELY TYPE THIS PRTICULSR RANT...

RANT #8:  Razor Crunch

Okay, I'll admit that sounds WAY wrong considering I am referring to Cap'n Crunch and that that is Bryce Razor's **ahem** name.  But there really is no other way to describe that cereal.  I love it.  It tastes delicious.  It's pretty much my favorite cereal of all time.  But, alas, it is evil.  It cuts my mouth up something terrible.  It's like I eat the delicious goldenness that is Cap'n Crunch and then realize my mouth is full of tiny lacerations. It makes me want to cry. And now I want some Cap'n Crunch. Did you know that Cap'n Crunch guy is a variation of the Quaker Oats guy?! CRAZY!!! I didn't know that 'til Cameron told me one day. It blew my mind. 

RANT #9:  Graduation Parties

I had the riveting opportunity to go to a graduation party yesterday. It actually wasn't awkward as much as other graduation parties. Other graduation parties are like awkward middle school dances. No one knows what to do. Someone always approaches you and asks questions about how you're doing now and you answer the only answer you can which is not surprisingly short. They stand there not knowing what else to say and they stare at you. You try to walk away, but you know it's just awkward and hope to never encounter them for the rest of the party. But of course someone else asks you the same questions and it cycles. It cycles like a broken washing machine of death!

RANT #10:  People Who Can't Differentiate between Homophones

I don't think I have to say much about this other than "your" and "you're" are different words that can't be interchanged. And "there," "they're," and "their" are all different words that can't be interchanged. And "to," "too," and "two" are all words that can't be interchanged. Learn to write, people! 

RANT #11:  Auto-Correct

I.Hate.Auto-Correct. My phone isn't awesome that makes the auto-corrects worthy of damnyouautocorrect.com. No, it decides to randomly add words to its dictionary without my consent. Words that I've never even used before, but they pop up when I'm trying to text. Whenever I try to say the word "oh" it corrects it to "ng" what is "ng"?! "I'm" turns into "H?o" ummm...what the hell is that?! It's really annoying. I hate my phone. I want a new one so badly.

The Pangs of Hunger Beseech Me

I am dying. I need to watch Watchmen! I need to watch it a million times in a row! It's been like...three months since I've seen it last. It's been too long! I need violence. And Patrick Wilson. I need "Sound of Silence" and "The Times They Are A-Changin'." I need Jeffrey Dean Morgan. And Jackie Earle Haley. I need the four-legged chicken! I wish I still had this movie! I want to cry. I want to kill something. Sometimes, I wish murder was legal. I'd go out and find some random bloke and blast him to smithereens! Not really. I'd rather not use weapons when I have hands. Strangling and tearing of limbs is more my style. Along with disembowelment. I feel like I've said this already before. I should really go to bed. I haven't really been sleeping lately which is kind of making me crazy. I keep misspelling things and changing subjects. Like today, I FINALLY got the eyelash out of my eye that's been in there for almost three days. It wasn't even mine! It was blonde! No wonder I couldn't see it in the mirror! WHY WAS SOMEONE ELSE'S EYELASH IN MY EYE?!?!?!?!?! Do I even know anyone with blonde eyelashes?! And if I did, why would my eyes be anywhere near their eyes?! I'm out.

That Last Post Was Fairly Depressing

So I'm going to post this page of comics I found a month ago. I drew them when I went to visit my sister at Houghton on my Spring Break '09...her phonetics class was very boring.

Sad Day of Frisbee Failure

Today I was shamefully reminded of the fact that I am not athletic. I never have been and never will be. I have tried so hard to be athletic, but I epically fail at it. My boyfriend's church plays ultimate frisbee. I was asked to play and since I haven't really been doing much exercising lately, I stupidly agreed. Well guess what, I suck. I suck so bad that I sat out most of the game. I might as well have had a huge sign on my shirt saying "WORST PLAYER OF ULTIMATE FRISBEE! NEVER THROW IN THIS DIRECTION! AND NEVER PUT INTO GAME!" The frisbee was thrown in my direction. I caught 3/4 thrown to me, but failed to block all but one of the passes thrown to the person I was blocking. I can't jump and I sure as hell can't run. I learned that the hard way by joining track in 8th grade. I cried because I lost so much...of course that was when I was home and not during/after the meets. My coach put me on the 800-meter...and ONLY the 800-meter. She tried to put me on high jump because apparently a person who can jump over a 2-centimeter rope can jump backwards over a 3-foot high pole. No. Definitely didn't happen. She tried to put me on long jump. Didn't happen. Thankfully she didn't put me on hurdles. I can't sprint and having to jump over things at the same time would have been the biggest fail anyone has ever seen in their entire lives. I have no idea how I passed my gym classes. Actually, I got a C in my college gym class. I think secondary education gym teachers felt so bad for me that they just passed me. I can't do anything athletic with balls either(please don't take that dirtily). In 7th grade I tried out for the volleyball team. I had such bad hand-eye coordination that I could never actually HIT the ball to serve it. And when I did, it would fall about 5 feet in front of me. I made 2nd-to-last cuts though surprisingly. Another time in 7th grade we had to join the guy's gym class. They were doing baseball. Their gym teacher made me sit out 'cause I couldn't hit the ball. When it was my turn to bat, he'd hit the ball and make me run. I was always the third out anyways. In 3rd grade, I had this strange dream of becoming a professional basketball player. I could never make a basket. My sister would always make fun of me for this. That dream quickly went down the toilet. In 5th grade I signed up for football day-camp at my church. The leader didn't have anywhere else to put me because I sucked so much, so he put me on center. That was the only thing I could do. I could hike a ball better than the rest of the kids...and for that I will always be proud. But the biggest fail of my whole non-athletic life would have to be jump rope. I tried to join a jump rope team in 2nd grade. I wasn't good enough. It took me a whole year to actually get the tricks down to make tryouts. I was on that team for almost 8 years when it ended. And in those 8 years, I only progressed as much as Chinese did to landing on the moon. Everyone else in the jump rope world was better than me. I almost always got last place and I'm pretty sure the judges hated me just because I was a waste of their time. The times I did get first place was by default. I have 14 "gold" metals. All of them were because no one else was competing against me. They're like pity metals. "Oh, you did your best and you showed up without scratching. Sooooooo...here's a gold metal for you because you participated." Thanks. I'll wear it with glowing pride. That was sarcastic. Jump rope was my life, though. I sucked at it so much, but I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I didn't go. All my coaches were like, "You have so much potential! You just have to believe in yourself!" I'm sorry, but false motivation does not work on me. I may have had potential, but I am so unbalanced and uncoordinated that I couldn't make magic happen even if I tried. And there is no point to "believing in yourself." It's all bullshit. Every word. My progress was no better when I thought I could do it to when I thought I couldn't do it. I just can't be athletic. I wasn't built for it. I don't think I'm going to go to the next ultimate frisbee game. I'd rather spare what little dignity I have left. Six other girls showed up today other than me, so they won't even need me. I'll sit at home reading and drawing and writing. That's something that I can unshamefully-ish do...

Newsflash: "Normal"

What is the definition of "normal"?


Adjective: Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.

Noun: The usual, average, or typical state or condition

Now that that is settled, why do people ALWAYS say they aren't "normal"? I don't think there is any such thing as "normal." I was just reading some random girl's blog and she's all like, "I'm not normal. I'm a contradicting person. I'm stubborn and indecisive, shy and outgoing..." blah blah blah. Well guess what, most of the world is that way. Everyone has their contradicting qualities. I, myself, am also stubborn and indecisive, shy and outgoing, smart and retarded, etc. If you really think about it, no one is really that different from each other. Everyone has this idea about being different from each other. If everyone has that idea, doesn't that make us all the same? "I want to be different and not normal, so I'm going to pierce my face and get tattoos and not have normal colored hair!" Yeah, you're not different. You may not look like you did a year ago, but I would still consider you normal and just like everybody else. We all have the same desires deep down. There is no denying it. It's called growing up. So don't go around telling people that you're "different" or "not normal" because the person you're talking to thinks the same about him/herself. That is really weird. The word "him" is a REALLY weird word. It's freaking me out. I'm going to stop writing. 

Freaking Mimes, Man...

Oh my gosh. So I am not tired at all and it's 2 in the morning. I had decided that boredom was imminent and began to open various folders. As I was exploring my computer, I stumbled upon some old comic work I had made in the 9th grade...


Once upon a time, I was a Freshman in high school. I was in an honors English class (how I passed and managed to not get detentions, I don't know). One day in said English class, we were discussing mimes for some odd reason. One kid of the name Nicholas Stephan blurted out, "What if you were trapped on an island of mimes?!" And thus my comic began! I never really shared any of these comics with anyone. I made them on MS Paint and saved them in a folder that has been unseen by eyes for...goodness, 5 years? That's a long time. And that makes me feel REALLY old. I think it would be almost 6 years now. Mein Gott, how do I not have wrinkles now?! Anyways, here are my mime-alicious comics!

Nothing is consistent and the mime shapes suck, but I don't care. I think they're utterly fantastic and that is probably because It's 2:30 now and I'm delusional. I have been making comics for a long time. I just realized that. Since like...3rd grade. Maybe it's what I'm "meant to do." Ha! That's a good one. I'm pretty sure I'm going to spend my whole life in a cloud of unknowing-ness and end up living in my parents house as a fat blob eating Goldfish and LifeSavers all day. Oh the joys of my promising future...